a fair amount of judgment call

six months. not bad for a new job, new colleagues, new boss, new office.  in retrospective, the amount of time i spent on non-profit work could have been shorter. five years was too long. in plural capitalistic societies like singapore, it is imperative to move on from a job after a few years. for higher salaries, higher posts, higher expectations.

not exactly in a better position but i’m getting more pay and more time to myself as compared to five years of non-profit work. time spent on solving other people’s problems and leaving mine aside. diminishing the self in a crowd of others. i’m a contract staff now. i am not leading things, i exist with a team, i work with many departments with varying degrees of firmness. i am remaking myself into something the system required of citizens. nothing negative about it, just realistic.

my job? i’m asked to exercise a fair amount of judgment call. at the same time, i am required to keep the boundaries in view. which leaves me in between hesitation and resolution. it seems i am not to take everything at face value and double confirm everything to keep myself safe. and well, to keep the system safe and soundproof. which means i’ve had to run to my colleagues a few times to ask if it’s the right move. i don’t dislike the task though.

on days when we’re bored or feeling sleepy, conversations fill the room. chatty female colleagues talking about everything from movie stars, fellow male colleagues, lunch options, weekend badminton outings, former colleagues, future of our jobs and also family. regular things people talk about. en masse, as a group, we combine our heads to overcome moments of lethargy. the unpredictability of our future environment fuels our current conversations the most. then, as if to not leave conversations dampened with negative scenarious, we’ll come up with suggestions on possible company to apply jobs to. i’m so touched by their conscience, i’m really lucky to have these women to bounce ideas, jokes and worries with. this form of office sisterhood is very rare for me. and i don’t dislike it at all.